But first, I had to eat. So I left my bright office to sit in a dark living room and eat breakfast (we don’t have a dining room in our little house.)

When I returned to my desk, list by my side of all the things to accomplish, I realized my motivation had waned.  Waking up in a room full of light: rejuvenating.  But the darkness in the house seemed to suck the life out of me. I just wanted to go back to sleep and dream.

This reminded me of the light and dark side of ideas.

A conversation, action, or even a string of actions, triggers a thought process which almost spontaneously leads to a seemingly novel idea. This sets off a chemical reaction in the body that creates a sensation.  I like to call this “Joy.”  We fill up with energy, inspired. Motivated. Can’t wait to get started on this new idea; can’t wait to bring it to life. And can’t wait to tell everyone we know.

Then we start to talk about it. First mistake. One thing about ideas is that they are ours, and only ours until we find others that have the same idea. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen.

We start to get input, good and not so good. But what we hear most are negative statements like “It can’t be done,” “It’s already been tried,” “It’s already BEING done,” “You don’t have time,” “It’s too much work,” etc. Slowly the darkness seeps in and we start to go from inspired to tired. Sunny mornings become dark rainy nights and we are ready to pack it all in go back to sleep.

How can we stop that cycle of idea killing?  How can I make sure to block out negative feedback long enough to find out whether or not the idea is actually a good one? Here are just a couple of my own thoughts on how to proceed with caution when an idea hits:

First, don’t tell a soul. Well, maybe one or two people whose knowledge and input we respect and whose constructive feedback will encourage, not discourage us from perusing the idea as far as we can.

Research the idea as much as possible before talking to people.  This way, we are equipped with a toolbox of responses to those negative statements. Another reason to research is to establish our own opinions about whether or not the idea is good. Our own criticism of an idea may feel less damaging.  Realizing the potential of an idea before getting people excited about it can also save us from feeling as though we’ve let them down. Once they’ve seen us fail, or we’ve seen ourselves fail in front of them, we might find it more difficult validate our future ideas.

Ideas are like light. They can shine bright and inspire us. (Remember, inspire means in Spirit.) But if we don’t keep the flame lit long enough to realize their potential, the darkness will set in and we’ll never want to wake up from our dreamy sleep. I honestly don’t believe in bad ideas. Many great ideas are born from bad ones. They just need some crafting before they are ready for the world. So before you let the light go out,  remember it is yours and you can do what you want with it.  Because you never know.

Today’s accomplishments:

*Attended a regular Wednesday morning coffee meeting at the CEED centre. The meeting lacked the usual energy but it seemed to flow pleasantly between distractions. The topics included Earth Day, Cheers to the Planet, (to which I am still selling tickets, so if you haven’t gotten yours please email me!) and the issues surrounding our water supply.

*Attended a last minute event committee meeting to get an idea of where we are at with our Earth Day event tasks.

*Sent proofs of the GETI Action Groups and GETI’s Little Red School House sandwich board posters to Staples. Decided that, in the long run, it would cost me less to purchase my own huge poster printer than to go to Staples. In the future, don’t be surprised if I launch a fundraiser for a huge poster printer!

*Printed enough sign-up sheets to last GETI the entire event day and I expect a few more like it.

*Pictured a rainy Saturday. I tried not to! I should have been visualizing a ‘beautiful sunny day.’ Maybe it will at least be warm rain. One can only hope.

*Blogged. Not the most richly detailed, entertaining post, but a blog post all the same.

*Went to bed at midnight.

Don’t get me wrong, this time I plan to make it more interesting. I’ll stock up on ingredients from raw recipes that look satisfying and I’ll hope and pray they’ll taste good.  But no matter what, the pizza my husband is eating right now will never be matched in taste by any raw recipe.  I’d place a wager on that.

Yesterday, April Fools Day, was my first full raw day.  I made a smoothie in the morning with what I could find in the crisper.  A few carrots, the last apple, some blueberries and a quarter of a beet.  One thing I took from my adventure last April is that beets have a strong flavor and they are best when not over added.  I had to add water because I finally discovered that my blender is powerful enough to puree foods so I don’t have to keep juicing them first.  A bonus when time is a factor. But water a must or the end product is easier eaten by spoon.

I made a big salad before work then scooped a few bites full into my mouth before running out the door.  For that I used lettuce, chopped carrots, green onions and, embarrassingly, I had to add a few chick peas, which are not raw.  I also threw some sunflower seeds and flax seeds on top and drizzled on some olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  I won’t be excruciatingly strict this time because I know I’m eating %100 percent healthy anyway.  So what if my nuts are roasted!

Today was a day off so I knew it would be more difficult.  But my daughter had gone shopping so there was more to choose from.  For breakfast I ate a bowl of fruit that consisted of one banana, one apple, a small orange, some blueberries (these are frozen from my landlady’s farm) and some flax-seed and some chia powder.  It was very tasty! Then for lunch…I made a salad, the same salad that I made the night before.

I have to admit another thing.  The day before my friend and I decided to start this challenge, I brought out a bowl of frozen soup.  I made this soup last October with carrots and a pumpkin that didn’t get used for Halloween.  Although it’s been cooked, I’d rather it be my treat so it doesn’t go to waste.  I’ll eat a bit of it each day until it is gone.

Tonight was more difficult.  If I had put some effort into preparing something for myself and then something for my husband, things might have been different. But when he asked me to order pizza for him I did.  I didn’t eat any of that pizza but I wanted to!  Instead, I nibbled on raw peanuts, a banana and even made a bowl of chia with almond milk.  I feel satisfied but still crave that pizza.

As for tomorrow, my husband and I are going hiking.  I bought some raw bars, the chocolate flavoured ones, raw peanuts, I’ll be taking a couple of bananas, an apple and a refreshing apple cider vinegar drink flavoured with acai and grape.  For him, I bought granola bars. I’m looking forward to the hike, a 4 hour round trip (did you sense my sarcasm?)

The end.

Away from here. Away from responsibilities, just for awhile. Away from the city where the leaves die off and drop and the people sulk year round. To drive away but also toward something. That something I have always looked for but haven't yet found. And when I do, I'll stay, just for awhile.

I had so much to say when I sat down to write today.  I knew exactly how I was going to say it.  Just like my somewhat resolutions I didn’t really make,  but I know should be followed.  I said, “I wont make resolutions, I’ll just do better this time.”  I’ll write more, read more, exercise more.  I’ll be nicer to myself.  I’ll accomplish meaningful projects and be successful in something this year. But I have yet to do one thing on my “to-do” list.

I have this “to-do” list.  I won’t go into all the exciting details today.  I just want to write.  I usually spend around 30 minutes writing whatever comes to mind in a book I call my “Morning Pages.”  But since I woke up at 10:00 this morning and my brain felt like mush, I put that off.  But something happened in the last hour.  I made an unconscious decision to be creative and mindful of it, of the decision.   Oh, oh.  There he is again.  Ego.  If I had the guts to swear, I would tell him to f-off.  He is telling me what I should say in the blog.  Well, it’s my blog.  So F-off!

Anyway, I’m sure you’re waiting to hear good ol’ interesting stuff here.  But I can’t remember what I was going to say.

Oh, yes. I was going to say how I feel this will be a good year.  I feel very excited. You want me to tell you why?  Sorry.  I’ll have to disappoint,  I have no idea!   I just get this random feeling of joy once in a while that gives me hope. And at that moment I know I can accomplish anything I set out to do.  So that means, I CAN write the book.  I CAN start a c-op.  I CAN go to school.  No matter what that Ego says and no matter what I think people say or think about it.  It’s my life.  I don’t want to have any regrets.  I don’t ever want to think I should have done that. And, I want my children to see that anything is possible!  I’ll make a decision and I follow through.  Why not?  That’s the most logical answer to the question “Why?”

Reminds me of this rain.  You can regret the rain, or imagine its creative power.  And there is always sun behind rain clouds.  Always.  Kind of like, “When life gives you lemons….” etc.

My story begins with the rain.  A Sunday morning rainfall followed by the sun to inspire and spark intention.  You can make anything real out of imagination.  Thoughts are real and have the power to change a life.

Blah blah.  Anyway, I’ll talk a little about what I’ve been up to lately before getting on with my day.  I’ve been reading a lot.  I’m just finishing “Wicked” by Gregory Maguire.  I like it.  It’s a combination of fantasy, realism, politics, religion and philosophy.  I’m sure there is quite a bit of sociology which, to me, is a mix of all of the above anyway.  This book has given me a whole different perspective on the characters in “the Wizard of Oz” and I’ve become acutely sympathetic to the Witch, who is now more real to me than any of the other characters,  even of Dorothy.

I’ve been practicing on my new guitar. Although my fingers rebel every time I try to play a bar chord or do the required exercises, I get these pangs to play while sitting at work or doing housework.  It’ll be awhile before I’m any good, but I’ll keep practicing.  Maybe by May I’ll have a couple of songs under my belt that I can charm my friends with when we go camping in Kamloops.

Not much else is going, not yet anyway.  Blogging is on my “non-resolution” list so maybe a few curious readers will get to find out what I’m up to this year.   So, maybe I’ll see you on the ‘write’ side of my life! Hehe, I thought it was good!

I am going to Norway.  Not today.  But I will go this year.  I’m thinking July.

I have a book to write.  My first book, but not my last, an idea that gets me all goosebumpy every time I think it.  For this book, I’ll be traveling to my Great Grandmother’s birth place.  I will experience the land where she grew up and then left at the age of nine. I’ll explore the place where my ancestors lived and worked.  The traditions, the stories, the great and not so great.  The wars and the suffering.  Past, present, and their visions of the future.  I can’t, even slightly, describe to you the thrill I get in allowing myself to believe in the possibilities of this even happening.

There is much work to do.  Planning, researching, traveling.  Starting today.  And, given that I have some essence of self-discipline, I will journal about my experiences along the way.  I may move the blog to a location of its own.  This project needs its own space. And I hope you will be with me here on my journey!

We thought similar fates would befall us at the turn of 2000, but as in the return of technology to it’s blank slate, and therefore the fall of humanity.  This time the evidence signals a perishing of a species.  Strangely, as humans, we seem to take for granted that we are the strongest and yet, we will be the first to go.

We watch painfully as our world deteriorates.  Many people remain oblivious as they march  arrogantly into the fire.  We will cry for them because they really do not know, they are the newest souls.  Unaware of anything but their own needs as newborns on our Earth, these souls suck at her teats selfishly, without a care for her pain.

Some of us try, since it is up to us, to protect her, fight to restore her and teach our young to respect her.  There is not much left we can do to reverse the rapid aging of an old Earth caused by our bad habits and carelessness.  What we can do is prepare ourselves .We can arm ourselves with the weapons and tools to fight against death when he comes too early. We can plant food in Eden, harvest what we can from her bosom, breath our life into her so she can return something to us.  Something we have taken too many times without thanks.

We need to commit to strengthening our unraveling human relationships.  We need to go out and love our neighbors again.  Show death we will not let him in; we are strong in numbers.  We must stand together against the hardships that our unloving ways have caused.

Many civilizations have faded into memory leaving writings on the walls to warn us of our fates.  They passed stories down in dreams for a few to carry on.  Down the lines of blood and generations, these secrets have been kept and guarded from those who cannot believe.  They will not believe we have been here before and therefore, they choose to stay ignorant.  Ignorance is a sure path to Hell.  Awareness, to Shambala.

We have a tendency to choose hell over heaven because hell is the illusion of bliss.  Choosing the path most traveled, we protect ourselves from the unknown.  But the only reward for choosing a known path is a life of constant searching.  Knowledge, on the other hand, builds upon itself.  Knowledge craves more knowledge until the spiral staircase of knowledge leads to Heaven.

Listen to what your dreams tell you.  Follow your heart, the blood that runs through it is rich with knowledge of the ancients.  Our dreams tell us that we are not here to destroy, to rape, and plunder our Earth.  We are creative beings, we are here to create.  If, as creative beings we can teach and learn from each other, there is hope.  This is what 12-21-12 is about.  Not the end of the world but the end of the world as we know it.  Depending on which path we choose as a race, it will be either Heaven or it will be Hell.

(I am not religious.  I am curious.  Heaven and Hell to me have always been symbolic of states of being, real and imagined.  It seems only obvious to me.)

I feel more spiritual than usual lately.  I wonder if it’s all the (local, organic) apples I’ve been eating.

5:10 pm

Where’d the day go?

Went for a walk today.  Didn’t take my camera, again.  Forgot to charge it, again.  I guess that means I have to go for a walk tomorrow so I can photograph those two beautiful gardens I passed along the way.  I wonder if I’ll get caught.  I wonder if they will even care.  If I do, I’ll say I’m from the newspaper.

I was looking for a bookstore.  Met a Carlos.  Asked him if he knew of a bookstore in Ferndale. Used to be one here, I told him.  It had a coffee shop, and a palm reader.  He didn’t know.

He asked where I am coming from. I said Canada eh.  But I also told him I am really from here.  But I still don’t really know my way around.  I used to.  We walked together, talked for a few minutes.  He is from Texas…can you tell, he looked at me and asked.  I said no.  I thought he meant his accent.  He didn’t have one.  He must have meant his color.  Why would that mean anything?  I used to live in Texas. I said.

We walk our separate ways.  It rained a little today.  I liked it.  I thought about changing my facebook status to “I love you rain!”  But intead I wrote “is living life to the drop!”  A song on my Ipod I didn’t know I had.  Stevie Ray Vaughn.  I like Stevie, but never listen to him, especially walking.  But I was in a Stevie mood. It’s a good thing.  Perfect song for the perfect mood.  I was in that mood, and it was raining and I didn’t mind.

I saw a few apples, big, ripe apples.  But first, I saw one.  But no apple tree.  I thought, those darn kids!  Then I spotted more, and more..and then I looked up.  There it was. The apple tree.  Full.  I mean FULL of juicy red apples.  Big ripe apples.  I wanted to pick them like you wouldn’t believe.  But I thought I might get caught.  I wonder if they’d even care.  There’s this thing here…in the US called trespassing. It’s pretty punishable and people think your crazy (or get really mad) if you pick their apples off their trees.

My goodness. Teenagers these days.  Not just in Maple Ridge.  They have them in the States too! Who’d a thought?  Just saying…you’d think they would let you by.  There’s like three of them but instead of one of them backing off a bit to let you by, they stay spread across the sidewalk so in the road you go…right into traffic.  And yes, there was traffic…it was 3:00.  Like, oh my god!

Got “home” and my legs hurt.  Felt like I ran a marathon.  Nope, just walked up Vista.  That’s the name of the street.  Must have been in a hurry though.  My legs sure hurt.

Ate a salad.  I’m sick of salad.  Ive been sick of salad since April.  Since my three week rabbit fest.  Actually I only ate half of the salad then made a bowl of fruit.  I can handle fruit.  Gave the chickens some too.  They still don’t like me.

What?  Where’d the time go?  Feels like I just got out of bed.  Didn’t do much today.  Been meaning to finish reading one book so I can get into another, and another.  Brought all three with me.  Only read 20 pages so far, and I’m on day three already.